The first year was hard!

Having a new baby is hard! Throw in therapy 3 x a week, constant doctor apt, feeding tubes, postnatal hormones and being a new mom, The cards were stacked against us. If I had sought secular council I'm sure they would've told us that josh and I wouldn't make it out of this together. But thankfully We were both blessed with godly parents who prayed for us, encouraged us and cared about our little family. Not to mention all of our friends and extended family who never left our side. But it was hard! I cried....a lot! I would see mothers nursing their babies, I would cry. I saw mothers feeding their baby a bottle, I would cry. Rebecca would accidentally pull out her feeding tube and I had to reinsert it, then I would cry.

The therapist told me the entire first year to try and give  rebecca the bottle. She rejected it, daily, and I would cry. Rebecca was on 24 hour feeds. It meant projectile vomiting every 4-6 hours. She lived in her baby swing until she was over a year because laying her down made her vomit. (Side note: this is the beginning of her reflux story)

While most first time moms spend that first year bonding, we spent the first year surviving. Josh and I did struggle and understandably. He was at work all day wishing he wasn't. I was at home all day wishing I wasn't. I would love to say that we clung to each other and found strength in each other, but we were 22 and immature. So we just argued, a lot. Looking back I see how God gave us the strength not to give up. 

As Rebecca's first birthday came I wondered if rebecca would ever eat....