In the beginning

So I'm going backwards through our journey with Rebecca, in order to catch you up if you didn't know us when she was born or if you didn't really understand what happened with Rebecca.

March 2002 - 5 months pregnant

What an exciting day, we will find out the sex of our baby! As I lay on the table with a smile on my face, the ultrasound tech happily shows me "there's the heart, see it's beating, ooooh look at the nose so cute, two arms, two legs, oh good her head measures perfectly......" then she stopped.

silence for what seemed like 10 min but I'm sure it was only 30 seconds or so....

I asked her if everything was ok...no response...and then she says "let me get the doctor" and rushed out of the room.

In comes the doctor (not my doctor, just a doctor at the place I was having the ultrasound) he starts scanning me for about 5 min without saying anything to me. I remember repeating over and over "is everything ok?" "what's wrong" "Is something wrong"?

"Your baby has what is called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. These babies don't live. It will die. It will either die inside of you or after it's born. You should consider an abortion at this time"

My head is spinning, what's a diaphragm whatchamacallit? Wait did he just say abortion? The baby CAN die or WILL die what did he say? So I asked him if the baby could survive and he said that if it did, it would end up brain damaged and I'm way too young to deal with the stress of a child like that (I was 21, I can't help now but think about Mary being a teenager when she had Jesus IN A STABLE!). So then I told him I didn't believe in abortion and that I would not be doing that. He assured me that I would change my mind, and even though it wasn't legal I could have an abortion up to 39 weeks and he had a place I could go to. I again told him I would not be having an abortion. He then gave me a phone number to call for a doctor who has been doing research in the area and he may be able to help me and he left the room.

The nurse asked if I wanted to know the gender. I did but I asked her to put it in an envelope so Josh and I could read together when he got home from work.

I don't remember driving home that day....

Later, many years later, I’ve reflected on that moment when I was alone in an unfamiliar doctors office with an unfamiliar doctor, an unfamiliar nurse, and a boatload of medical jargon that I did not understand. I truly feel that doctor thought he had my best interest. He thought somehow God had given him the power to speak into the life of me and my unborn child. He tried to reason with me, helping me to understand why abortion was the best decision for everyone involve. But in the moment what none of us realized was that we weren’t alone. God was there, blocking me from comprehending the doctors reasoning, and allowing that doctor to tell me about Dr Q’s experimental procedure.